The Enterprise and the Giant Green Head
by Purple Duskywing
Summary: The Enterprise comes across a strange anomaly that mistakes the ship for food! How will Kirk and the crew stop it from destroying the ship? A funny story written one sentence at a time by my sister and I. Hope it makes you laugh!


**I found this funny story written on some scrap paper in the back of a drawer! I remember my sister and I were super-bored one day, so we wrote this story one sentence at a time, taking turns, with no clue where the plot was going. We're both major Trekkies. This ended up giving us a good laugh. :)**

The Enterprise and the Giant Green Head

 _Italics: Purple Duskywing_

Non-Italics: My Sister

 _One day on the bridge of the Enterprise, Captain Kirk strolled through the turbo-lift doors and sat down in the captain's chair._

Spock walked over and complimented Kirk's hair.

" _Thank you, Spock, I always try to look good for all the ladies I seem to meet on every mission."_

"However, it does not compare to my heavily gelled haircut."

 _Kirk nodded in agreement and looked out the viewscreen to see something approaching the ship._

And behold, it was a giant, floating green head that shouted at them in a booming voice, "GIVE ME DONUTS!"

 _Kirk and Spock looked at each other, surprised by this odd demand. "Are the food replicators working yet?" Kirk whispered._

Spock said, "Are the food replicators _ever_ working when we need them?"

" _Wait just a minute, Sir," Kirk said to the Giant Green Head. "To Lt. Uhura, he asked, "Get me Scotty on the intercom."_

Before Uhura could call for Scotty, the Giant Green Head decided the entire ship was a donut and proceeded to devour it, piece by piece.

 _To stop this hungry, impatient menace, Kirk began a heroic speech to boost the crew's morale, but it didn't work, because everyone was too busy screaming._

One of the Redshirts panicked and ran around like a maniac, before spontaneously dropping dead of fear.

" _Oh, no, that was my last Redshirt!" Kirk complained. "Someone get out the phaser rifles and aim them at that Head!"_

Spock went, "Wouldn't it be smarter to arm a photon torpedo?"

 _That was a much better idea! They looked on, fired, and the Giant Green Head swallowed the whole thing._

Kirk sarcastically suggested firing Spock at the Head so he could try and destroy it with his logic.

" _I would find that most disagreeable, Captain." Spock said unemotionally while observing the Head as it gagged on the torpedo as if it were an overdone hot dog._

The Head announced to Kirk, "I will leave your ship alone only if I can eat…YOU!"

 _Kirk made another heroic speech to inform the crew of his upcoming demise, but then he came up with a brilliant plan._

"We'll take Bones, dress him up as me, and give _him_ to the Head!"

" _Brilliant, Captain! Let's go find him," said Spock._

Unfortunately for them, they had left the intercom button on, informing the whole crew of their heinous motive.

 _Down in sickbay, Dr. McCoy thought to himself, "Time for a mutiny!"_

But he knew better than to take on Kirk and Spock, for by using their charm and good looks, the Captain and First Officer had convinced the whole crew to go along with their evil plan.

 _Dr. McCoy didn't have a crew, so he decided to fight his way out to a shuttlecraft using spare Tribbles as ammo._

At this point, Scotty appeared out of nowhere and declared, "I'm on your side, Doctor! Let's fight our way out together!"

 _Scotty knew all the shortcuts through the Enterprise's Jefferies tubes, so they made it to a shuttlecraft, no problem._

Some Tribbles were dropped on the way and trampled.

 _But not all of them!_

As they got on board the shuttle, they realized with horror that Kirk and Spock had beaten them to it.

" _Sorry, Bones," said Kirk. "But we have to appease the Giant Green Head somehow, and we have no more Redshirts."_

McCoy laughed maniacally. "You've fallen right into my trap!"

 _He pulled out a multi-purpose phaser set to 'deep-freeze' and fired._

He successfully froze Spock because of his 'cold, unemotional Vulcan heart,' but Kirk was fine.

 _They engaged in a classic fight scene while Scotty looked on, cheering, while eating popcorn that he popped with his phaser._

Naturally, Kirk was the victor. His shirt got torn in the process.

 _Everyone seemed to have forgotten about the Giant Green Head with all this mutiny stuff, but upon seeing Scotty's popcorn, Kirk got yet another brilliant idea!_

"We'll stuff the shuttlecraft with laser-popped popcorn, set it on autopilot, and feed it to the Head!"

 _When the Head swallowed the shuttlecraft, he let out a huge belch loud enough to shake the galaxy._

After everyone let out a sigh of relief, they suddenly realized the danger had not passed.

" _I have kernels stuck between my teeth," the Head whined. "Before I let you go, you'll have to get them out."_

To get the kernels out, the Enterprise crew decided to give him another snack, consisting of Colonel Klink and the prisoners of Stalag 13, who had been in hyper-sleep this whole time.

" _Om, nom, nom, thanks!" said the Head as he ate. "Guess I'll be going now, to find other starships to terrorize."_

Everyone stepped out onto the outdoor deck of the ship to wave goodbye, but forgot to put on spacesuits, so they exploded.

 _Except for Spock, who thawed out in due time and found himself King of the Enterprise with a crew of Tribbles._

The End.

 **HAHAHA Things got random at the end. Hope you had a good laugh!**


End file.
